MercWedding Day Woes
September 30th 2008 19:30
Get this blasted dress offa me!
The wedding industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. Getting married is expensive, and that's because everyone wants the absolute best, absolute most beautiful of everything at their ceremony and reception. The average cost of an America wedding is in the $30,000 range. That's a new car, or a healthy down-payment on a wonderful house. Unfreakin'believable.
A website I found while googling wedding budgest calculates the average wedding cost for your area. www.costofawedding.com, if you're planning a wedding and interested in having a small heart attack. I'm getting married in New Orleans, and the average cost for that zip code is a whopping $29,276. Those better be some of the most glorious bouquets of flowers I ever did see! For that price, I had better hear a choir of angels singing when I walk into my reception hall.
There is no way in Hell nor on God's green Earth that I am forking over that amount for 5 hours of smiling for the camera and looking pretty. My guests are lucky they aren't having to pay me to dress up like a pretty, pretty princess for once.
I'm going for the food. I splurged on that front, because let's face it, what do guests remember from any wedding? Unless you're getting married at Buckingham Palace, most guests remember only these things:
- The location ONLY IF it is at a memorable place other than a regular church
- The length of the ceremony and any heartwarming readings
- The bride
- The food at the reception
- How they felt/how much fun they had at the reception
With all of that in mind, I planned my wedding very simply. Granted, it's on a plantation, but the proceeds from my rental fee are put 100% toward the Historic Society that maintains all of the Old South plantations in New Orleans. So I don't feel too badly about that money being spent.
The Dress.
My dress is not elaborate. It's flowy and simple, with minimal beading. I tried the dress on and sprinted around the bridal shop, to ensure I would be able to tote that bastard around for half a day. Do you have any idea how heavy most wedding dresses are?! Go to David's Bridal and try some on, just for kicks. But good luck kicking in them, they're like wearing a straight jacket that weighs 80 pounds.
And don't get me started on the average cost of a nice gown. Thousands. Women are forking over THOUSANDS of dollars for a dress they will wear no more than 7 or 8 hours tops. I almost threw up in my mouth a little bit when I looked at the tag on the first dress I tried on. I didn't though, because I might have gotten it on the dress and had to buy it. Then I'd have been stuck with a vomited-on ridiculously overpriced dress that I would never wear.
Ridiculous!
The Ceremony.
Getting married in the church you attend regularly is usually nice, and less costly. But the drawback of religious wedding ceremonies is the length. Remember, bride, you have to stand there throughout the entire ceremony. If you're going that route, make sure your dress is lightweight and your shoes are comfortable.
Long ceremonies are the bane of most families of the newlyweds existence. It is the one thing people look forward to the least when attending a wedding.
Our ceremony? 15 minutes from the first Bridesmaid to the exiting of the newlyweds. I'm on my way to eat, people, follow me!
The Flowers.
Holy Hyacinth, Batman, the flowers! I left the flower planning up to my dear Maid of Honor. She went light on flowers - 2 arrangements, 3 total bouquets, boutinniers, and corsages - and STILL the total came up to, get this, $1500. One thousand, five hundred dollars for what might come to a count of 100 flowers. I can't even talk about the flowers without getting nauseated.
The average American Bride spends around $2500 on something that will wilt and die in about 2 days. You can't even keep the stupid things!
The Cake.
Let me just say this: Unless your cake is the most glorious creation known to cakemankind, don't bother. Most masterpiece wedding cakes taste like cardboard and plastic. Have a cake that people will WANT to eat. You can get a decent cake from Wal-Mart for around $40, and it'll be edible. Or better yet, do like our friends did when they got married, have a cupcake tower. Who doesn't like cupcakes?? Seriously.
When planning our wedding, I was delighted to discover our caterer will take care of the cake part for an extra $50 without charging a cake cutting fee (more on that in a moment). Mr. Capdeboscq asked what kind of cake I would like and I simply said "Delicious... oh and throw some chocolate fluer-de-lis on there for a little flair."
I considered having a mountain of beignets instead of a cake but decided it would be too messy.
Oh, right, the cake cutting fee. Let me tell you, dollies, I wanted to cut some cake cutters while shopping around. Did you know most caterers will delightfully cut your cake FOR you... for a measely average of $1.50 PER SLICE. And if you don't want them to cut it, there is usually a fee for that. A fee tacked on for them to do: NOTHING. My caterer does not charge us to cut or not cut our own cake. Southern hospitality is still alive, and his name is ID=1042" target="_blank">Capdeboscq.
The Food.
Keep it simple. Most people don't remember the food unless it's delicious or disgusting. Buffets that are cooked on site are best, and mass produced chicken trucked in from the caterer's kitchen is the worst. An afternoon wedding with hors d'evours is the best way to go if you're on a tight budget.
The thing is, you don't HAVE to feed your guests.
The Pressure.
It's your wedding. It's YOUR day. It's not your future mother in law's party, it's not your mother's last hoorah. It is your day, bride and groom. Plan it how you want it.
Nowhere in the American Lawbooks does it say you HAVE to do any of the outdated wedding ceremony shit that people torture themselves over. My flower girl is also my ring bearer. THE HORROR!! My bridesmaids are wearing sleeveless gowns and my gown is sleeveless. THE SHAME!! I'm not walking down the aisle to Pachelbel or Canon D. I'm walking down to The Verve. HOW COULD I!? And lastly, we're walking into the reception to Nickelback's Rock Star. I don't care if it's not proper, I don't care if it's "taboo". I don't care that my dress is white and everyone damn well knows it shouldn't be.
It's MY day and I can do whatever the hell I want for a solid 24 hours and get away with it. You bet your ass I'm going to have seconds of the delicious catered buffet from Capdeboscq's. You can put money on me not giving a damn if something goes wrong with the wedding cake. And if one of the groomsmen passes out during the ceremony or someone makes an embarrassing drunken toast, I will hope to God the photographer got pictures of it.
Those are the things your guests will remember. They will remember if you laughed or if you cried when Uncle Melvin passed out on the dance floor. They will remember if you turned into Bridezilla because the food wasn't right on time. They will remember if you laughed so hard you snorted during the exchanging of the vows. They want to have a good time. And I guarantee you that if you are having a hell of a good time, they will at least (hopefully) remember THAT more than they will remember that you didn't have flowers draped over the pews.
These people are so wonderful!
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