Bryan W. Alaspa 1This glorious summer
August 3rd 2009 13:28
If there is one thing Chicagoans like to do, and I have written about this before, it’s complaining about the weather. No matter what the weather is like out there, you are going to find people who want to complain about it. It’s either too hot or too cold or too rainy or not raining enough. I doubt, if you did a survey, any Chicagoan could point to a single day where the weather was perfect.
Now, during the winter many Chicagoans have a legitimate grievance. It has been a brutal couple of winters around here with the kind of cold that seems to literally slice directly through your body, freezing your skin, then internally and then right through your body and out the back. Normally, I actually enjoy winter, but those are normal winters where you get cold and slightly-warmer weather all mixed up.
Still, I am the kind of guy who hates heat. Me and heat do not get along. Nothing causes me to go indoors and shut myself off from the world faster than when the temps get up in the 90s and 100s with high humidity. I just try to get as quickly as I can from one air conditioned place to another with as few minutes in the actual outdoors as possible. I am a big guy and all the heat and humidity does is turn me into a big SMELLY and SWEATY guy.
I do not wear shorts. No way and no how. I do not even own a pair. I haven’t worn shorts since they made me wear them in gym class in high school. I hate my legs and they are something no one wants to see and no one has ever wanted to see. I consider it a vital public service to not show the world my legs. I wish more people of my general stature would think enough of the rest of the world to do the same.
I do not wear sleeveless shirts. Good God, you would not want to see my arms all the way up to my shoulder. No way and no way again do you want to see that kind of thing on a summer day. As such, I do not go to the beach and I don’t know how to swim, so I don’t hang out at pools. They’re unsanitary anyway, so I recommend you don’t do that either. Given the state of the water in Lake Michigan, you can use the same arguments about the beaches around here too.
I once had someone I worked with tell me she loved the summer because it made her skin so nice and “moist.” I said, what you consider “moist” I consider “sweaty.” My skin is not a piece of cake that becomes more delicious the more “moist” it is. You don’t want a “moist” Bryan walking the streets, trust me.
So, I have been thoroughly enjoying this summer so far. Sure, global warming is so screwing up the jet stream that it is still sucking cool air down from Canada and keeping us cool, but if this is what happens with global warming then I am becoming all for it. I could have used a little less rain so far, but I have enjoyed that the days when the sun is out the temps have been mostly in the 70s.
Of course, like many things I am in a minority on this one. Most people are complaining that we haven’t had a “real summer.” They say that this has been “too fall-like.” I just have two words to say for those of you who like it in the 90s and with 1000% humidity and want it warmer: shut-up.
Now, during the winter many Chicagoans have a legitimate grievance. It has been a brutal couple of winters around here with the kind of cold that seems to literally slice directly through your body, freezing your skin, then internally and then right through your body and out the back. Normally, I actually enjoy winter, but those are normal winters where you get cold and slightly-warmer weather all mixed up.
Still, I am the kind of guy who hates heat. Me and heat do not get along. Nothing causes me to go indoors and shut myself off from the world faster than when the temps get up in the 90s and 100s with high humidity. I just try to get as quickly as I can from one air conditioned place to another with as few minutes in the actual outdoors as possible. I am a big guy and all the heat and humidity does is turn me into a big SMELLY and SWEATY guy.
I do not wear shorts. No way and no how. I do not even own a pair. I haven’t worn shorts since they made me wear them in gym class in high school. I hate my legs and they are something no one wants to see and no one has ever wanted to see. I consider it a vital public service to not show the world my legs. I wish more people of my general stature would think enough of the rest of the world to do the same.
I do not wear sleeveless shirts. Good God, you would not want to see my arms all the way up to my shoulder. No way and no way again do you want to see that kind of thing on a summer day. As such, I do not go to the beach and I don’t know how to swim, so I don’t hang out at pools. They’re unsanitary anyway, so I recommend you don’t do that either. Given the state of the water in Lake Michigan, you can use the same arguments about the beaches around here too.
I once had someone I worked with tell me she loved the summer because it made her skin so nice and “moist.” I said, what you consider “moist” I consider “sweaty.” My skin is not a piece of cake that becomes more delicious the more “moist” it is. You don’t want a “moist” Bryan walking the streets, trust me.
So, I have been thoroughly enjoying this summer so far. Sure, global warming is so screwing up the jet stream that it is still sucking cool air down from Canada and keeping us cool, but if this is what happens with global warming then I am becoming all for it. I could have used a little less rain so far, but I have enjoyed that the days when the sun is out the temps have been mostly in the 70s.
Of course, like many things I am in a minority on this one. Most people are complaining that we haven’t had a “real summer.” They say that this has been “too fall-like.” I just have two words to say for those of you who like it in the 90s and with 1000% humidity and want it warmer: shut-up.
| 33 |
| Vote |
Comment by jsaenz4
What sucks is I live in Texas.