Bryan W. Alaspa 1The President and the fly
June 18th 2009 14:28
If you want to get really technical about it, and why would you unless you are just the type who does that sort of thing, the current President of the United States is not a true Chicagoan. Sure, he lived here for a good length of time and was as senator for Illinois and that’s enough for most Chicagoans to claim him as one, but he wasn’t really born and raised here. Still, by all accounts he spent his time here in the most Chicago of all Chicago neighborhoods – the south side. That’s probably enough to have a little bit of Chicago rub off on him.
So, it was with some amusement that I watched the footage of the President swatting a fly with his bare hand. Now, in Chicago we don’t spend a lot of time worrying about insects. We have many of them working as politicians in the city council. We prefer to kill them rather than molly-coddle them. That’s just the way we are. We work here in Chicago. Who has time to walk around trying to catch or capture a fly or insect to then carefully place it outside? Not me.
Like most here in Chicago when I saw the footage I cheered. Wow! Did you see that? He swatted the damn thing with his bare hands! How cool! Yes, I would have used a lot of exclamation points had I been around anyone to use them with when I watched the footage. I wasn’t, but I was sure thinking about them.
Of course, it was only a matter of time before PETA would complain. I don’t know what plane the PETA people are from, but they certainly are not born and raised here in Chicago. Well, some of them might be, but I bet their families are not proud of it.
Flies eat poop, people. They come from maggots. They live a few days, at the most, and most of the time they fly around on things that are rotting and spread disease. They are the last thing from cute or cuddly. Trust me, there were about six billion flies ready to take the place of the one the President swatted when it went down.
Here in Chicago, we swat flies. Me, I kill spiders by the hundreds. I am the world’s foremost spider serial killer. I cannot stand the evil little creatures. I also gleefully swat flies, mosquitoes and, really, any other flying insect that manages to finds its way into my home. What am I supposed to do? Open a window? And let in five thousand more insects while trying to get rid of the one? I don’t think so.
So, I just wanted to congratulate the President on his remarkable, lightning-fast reflexes. Good shot there, sir. Now, let’s do something to fix the economy and everything else that’s broken and stop worrying about the insects. If I were President, I’d have the Secret Service shoot the flies out of the air around me. But then again, that’s me. I hate insects.
So, it was with some amusement that I watched the footage of the President swatting a fly with his bare hand. Now, in Chicago we don’t spend a lot of time worrying about insects. We have many of them working as politicians in the city council. We prefer to kill them rather than molly-coddle them. That’s just the way we are. We work here in Chicago. Who has time to walk around trying to catch or capture a fly or insect to then carefully place it outside? Not me.
Like most here in Chicago when I saw the footage I cheered. Wow! Did you see that? He swatted the damn thing with his bare hands! How cool! Yes, I would have used a lot of exclamation points had I been around anyone to use them with when I watched the footage. I wasn’t, but I was sure thinking about them.
Of course, it was only a matter of time before PETA would complain. I don’t know what plane the PETA people are from, but they certainly are not born and raised here in Chicago. Well, some of them might be, but I bet their families are not proud of it.
Flies eat poop, people. They come from maggots. They live a few days, at the most, and most of the time they fly around on things that are rotting and spread disease. They are the last thing from cute or cuddly. Trust me, there were about six billion flies ready to take the place of the one the President swatted when it went down.
Here in Chicago, we swat flies. Me, I kill spiders by the hundreds. I am the world’s foremost spider serial killer. I cannot stand the evil little creatures. I also gleefully swat flies, mosquitoes and, really, any other flying insect that manages to finds its way into my home. What am I supposed to do? Open a window? And let in five thousand more insects while trying to get rid of the one? I don’t think so.
So, I just wanted to congratulate the President on his remarkable, lightning-fast reflexes. Good shot there, sir. Now, let’s do something to fix the economy and everything else that’s broken and stop worrying about the insects. If I were President, I’d have the Secret Service shoot the flies out of the air around me. But then again, that’s me. I hate insects.
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