Bryan W. Alaspa 1Some other things guys should just not wear
August 21st 2009 13:31
Now, the first thing to know is that I am not a fashion plate. I am about as far from a fashion plate as a human being can get. My fashion sense involves wearing solid colors, preferable dark ones, and jeans. I have exactly two pairs of shoes. One of them I wear with all of my jeans and T-Shirt wardrobes and I have a pair of black shoes for dressing up. Clothes, to me, are galactically boring. I would rather buy a new cell phone or look at a cool new laptop than spend time in a clothing store.
However, there are just some fashion things that baffle me. These are fashion trends that men seem to follow and I just don’t get them. I have already talked about men wearing flip-flops and sandals as though they have attractive toes and how that just ain’t cool. Now, I would like to discuss those…well…I don’t really know what they’re called.
I understand people wearing shorts. I do not wear them as a community service to the rest of the world who would NOT want to see my pale ugly legs. However, I can understand how others would want to wear them. I can see why having your legs exposed would be cooler in the summer.
I can understand why people would want to wear pants. They protect your legs. They hide pale ugliness like my jeans do. Pants make perfect sense to me. I applaud all men and women who are wearing pants at the moment.
What I do not understand is the pants that go down to just about four inches above the top of the ankle. These are not shorts, as they are far too long. Nor do they qualify as pants, as they just don’t go down to the top of the shoes. So, what are they and, more importantly, what the hell are they for?
Maybe there is just something I do not know. Maybe much of the heat of the body is generated and stored in a small three to four inch space along your calf. Does exposing that part of your leg actually make you feel cooler? Or, maybe these are all people who have to wade through streams to get where they need to go. Or, maybe there is a segment of women or gay men who have a particular affection for that little four inch strip of flesh between the top of a guy’s shoes and a few inches below their knee.
Back when I was a kid in school we had a name for pants like that. We called them “floods” or you may have heard them called “clam diggers.” If you wore them, you could count on being mercilessly teased for not having clothes that fit you. Now movie director Kevin Smith wears them EVERYWHERE and guys are spotted wearing them all over the place. Quite frankly, I think they look ridiculous.
If you want to wear shorts, then wear shorts. Those should go down to about your knees, I figure. OK, maybe they can got a little bit lower, but now all the way down to your damn calf. If you want to cover that much of your leg, why not just go the rest of the way and wear pants? You’ll receive far fewer bug bites, I assure you.
However, there are just some fashion things that baffle me. These are fashion trends that men seem to follow and I just don’t get them. I have already talked about men wearing flip-flops and sandals as though they have attractive toes and how that just ain’t cool. Now, I would like to discuss those…well…I don’t really know what they’re called.
I understand people wearing shorts. I do not wear them as a community service to the rest of the world who would NOT want to see my pale ugly legs. However, I can understand how others would want to wear them. I can see why having your legs exposed would be cooler in the summer.
I can understand why people would want to wear pants. They protect your legs. They hide pale ugliness like my jeans do. Pants make perfect sense to me. I applaud all men and women who are wearing pants at the moment.
What I do not understand is the pants that go down to just about four inches above the top of the ankle. These are not shorts, as they are far too long. Nor do they qualify as pants, as they just don’t go down to the top of the shoes. So, what are they and, more importantly, what the hell are they for?
Maybe there is just something I do not know. Maybe much of the heat of the body is generated and stored in a small three to four inch space along your calf. Does exposing that part of your leg actually make you feel cooler? Or, maybe these are all people who have to wade through streams to get where they need to go. Or, maybe there is a segment of women or gay men who have a particular affection for that little four inch strip of flesh between the top of a guy’s shoes and a few inches below their knee.
Back when I was a kid in school we had a name for pants like that. We called them “floods” or you may have heard them called “clam diggers.” If you wore them, you could count on being mercilessly teased for not having clothes that fit you. Now movie director Kevin Smith wears them EVERYWHERE and guys are spotted wearing them all over the place. Quite frankly, I think they look ridiculous.
If you want to wear shorts, then wear shorts. Those should go down to about your knees, I figure. OK, maybe they can got a little bit lower, but now all the way down to your damn calf. If you want to cover that much of your leg, why not just go the rest of the way and wear pants? You’ll receive far fewer bug bites, I assure you.
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