Bryan W. Alaspa 1Finding out you are the bottom rung
July 29th 2009 13:24
I guess it was just over a year ago when I found out, with in-your-face clarity, what my position was in the world when it comes to women. Of course, it started out with the best of intentions, like so many things do. You see, I am not a very good flirt or a “pick-‘em-up-easy” guy. Whatever genes most guys have that allow them to see a woman they don’t know and walk up and start talking to them apparently I do not possess. So, for me, the only way to reach out to women is posting ads.
I have tried the dating websites. For some reason they just never work. That eHarmony thing I have tried twice and both times it has lead nowhere. Why would I want someone who matches me perfectly? I want a woman with widely different tastes from me who can show me new things and argue with me from time to time about things. That’s what stimulates me. I don’t want to date myself (although that’s all I seem to be able to date currently).
So, just over a year or so ago I put an ad on that Craigslist, the last bastion of the damned. Mostly I got e-mails from “robots” who were just trying to sell me things and dating services. However, I got three responses that were encouraging. Of those three women I made plans to go on a date with two of them and was just exchanging e-mails and talking with the third. I actually went on a date with one of them. Then things went wrong and my place in the world became clear.
All three women went back to their exes. One, in fact, went back to an ex who was going to prison later in the year. Let me say that another way: she looked at me, then looked at the guy going to JAIL and said to herself “hmmm, the guy going to jail looks MUCH better.” When some guy in a prison jumpsuit looks much better than me, well, it’s time to realize that I am the bottom of the dating ladder.
I thought maybe I had a new career here. I thought maybe I should hire myself out to men whose girlfriends had just left them. If they wanted them back, apparently by even planning a date with me it would be enough to send them running back with open arms. But then I realized Dane Cook had already made a movie about that very thing and that really sucked the air out of things.
I guess someone has to be at the bottom. I guess I need to be there so guys like Drew Peterson who may or may not have murdered two of his wives can continue to get dates. Someone has to make O.J. look like a good catch. Charles Manson still gets love letters and Ted Bundy got conjugal visits before he was executed. So, someone has to be there to help out those guys.
So, ladies, if you are feeling down about your dating life and think you have scraped the bottom you can look around and see if that is really true. It’s a simple test. Just look around your house or apartment and see if I am standing there. Do you have any photos of me? Have we been on any dates recently? Have you thought of me as your boyfriend in the last seven days? If you answered “no” to any of those, you don’t have to worry. You haven’t hit bottom yet.
I have tried the dating websites. For some reason they just never work. That eHarmony thing I have tried twice and both times it has lead nowhere. Why would I want someone who matches me perfectly? I want a woman with widely different tastes from me who can show me new things and argue with me from time to time about things. That’s what stimulates me. I don’t want to date myself (although that’s all I seem to be able to date currently).
So, just over a year or so ago I put an ad on that Craigslist, the last bastion of the damned. Mostly I got e-mails from “robots” who were just trying to sell me things and dating services. However, I got three responses that were encouraging. Of those three women I made plans to go on a date with two of them and was just exchanging e-mails and talking with the third. I actually went on a date with one of them. Then things went wrong and my place in the world became clear.
All three women went back to their exes. One, in fact, went back to an ex who was going to prison later in the year. Let me say that another way: she looked at me, then looked at the guy going to JAIL and said to herself “hmmm, the guy going to jail looks MUCH better.” When some guy in a prison jumpsuit looks much better than me, well, it’s time to realize that I am the bottom of the dating ladder.
I thought maybe I had a new career here. I thought maybe I should hire myself out to men whose girlfriends had just left them. If they wanted them back, apparently by even planning a date with me it would be enough to send them running back with open arms. But then I realized Dane Cook had already made a movie about that very thing and that really sucked the air out of things.
I guess someone has to be at the bottom. I guess I need to be there so guys like Drew Peterson who may or may not have murdered two of his wives can continue to get dates. Someone has to make O.J. look like a good catch. Charles Manson still gets love letters and Ted Bundy got conjugal visits before he was executed. So, someone has to be there to help out those guys.
So, ladies, if you are feeling down about your dating life and think you have scraped the bottom you can look around and see if that is really true. It’s a simple test. Just look around your house or apartment and see if I am standing there. Do you have any photos of me? Have we been on any dates recently? Have you thought of me as your boyfriend in the last seven days? If you answered “no” to any of those, you don’t have to worry. You haven’t hit bottom yet.
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