Bryan W. Alaspa 1Can we please stop with the undead zombie vampires now?
November 19th 2009 14:27
I would like to, once again, beg the world of fiction writers and those who make horror movies. The time has come to stop. There are not more stories to be told, OK? Bram Stoker knew it when he wrote “Dracula” and it really should have stopped then. There needs to be a hold put on anymore television shows, movies or books about zombies and vampires. Please, I am begging you, make it stop.
I don’t know when it all started. When I was in high school every girl seemed to be reading the Ann Rice books and the whole “Vampire Chronicles” thing. They got all dreamy and gooey-eyed about Lestat and imagined him swooping in and turning them into vampires in that ultra-sexy way that Rice wrote about. At some point, however, the popularity faded away and that was a good thing.
Now the undead are more popular than ever. The problem is that the stories have just gotten weaker and weaker as time has gone on. Look, I am a huge fan of the TV series “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel” and think they are two of the best-written television series ever. However, once those series ended, I was happy to let go of my desire to see anything about vampires.
Vampires are really lame when you look at it. Sure they live forever, but they have to drink people’s blood to do it. Yuck. Plus, when they do that it sometimes turns the person they bite into a vampire and then you have that to deal with. They cannot even go out during the day. How scary is it to have a monster that can’t get his or her hand on sunscreen or can be put off by really clean windows? They are strong and they live forever, but most of them are the mopiest people you ever want to be around.
Zombies are even more ridiculous. Yes, I loved “Night of the Living Dead” and the other George A. Romero movies. I also enjoyed the remake of “Dawn of the Dead” and really liked “Shaun of the Dead.” However, those movies are enough. Zombies just wander aimlessly and bite people and then that turns them into zombies and, well, you have that whole thing all over again. There have been enough zombie movies and enough zombie comedies and there just aren’t any more stories to tell. We have had people trapped in houses, trapped in malls and trapped in cities with big fences around them.
As for vampires we have had older men who preyed upon women. We have had younger men who were all sexed-up and preyed upon both men and women. Now we have vampires who are no more than teenagers preying on other teenagers. They all look pale and miserable and gray and it is just relentless and stupid. Who cares? We have at least two television shows about vampires and the only one that seems remotely interesting has Anna Paquin naked in it a lot which at least is not all bad.
We have had vampires who were little kids. We have had vampires who appeared to be one sex but were really another. Whitley Strieber, in his novel “The Hunger” had vampires that didn’t even have fangs but used like ankh-shaped knives to make their kills. We have deconstructed and reconstructed the vampire myth again and again and now, there are no more stories to tell.
So stop. Create some new monsters. Anything. Please!
I don’t know when it all started. When I was in high school every girl seemed to be reading the Ann Rice books and the whole “Vampire Chronicles” thing. They got all dreamy and gooey-eyed about Lestat and imagined him swooping in and turning them into vampires in that ultra-sexy way that Rice wrote about. At some point, however, the popularity faded away and that was a good thing.
Now the undead are more popular than ever. The problem is that the stories have just gotten weaker and weaker as time has gone on. Look, I am a huge fan of the TV series “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Angel” and think they are two of the best-written television series ever. However, once those series ended, I was happy to let go of my desire to see anything about vampires.
Vampires are really lame when you look at it. Sure they live forever, but they have to drink people’s blood to do it. Yuck. Plus, when they do that it sometimes turns the person they bite into a vampire and then you have that to deal with. They cannot even go out during the day. How scary is it to have a monster that can’t get his or her hand on sunscreen or can be put off by really clean windows? They are strong and they live forever, but most of them are the mopiest people you ever want to be around.
Zombies are even more ridiculous. Yes, I loved “Night of the Living Dead” and the other George A. Romero movies. I also enjoyed the remake of “Dawn of the Dead” and really liked “Shaun of the Dead.” However, those movies are enough. Zombies just wander aimlessly and bite people and then that turns them into zombies and, well, you have that whole thing all over again. There have been enough zombie movies and enough zombie comedies and there just aren’t any more stories to tell. We have had people trapped in houses, trapped in malls and trapped in cities with big fences around them.
As for vampires we have had older men who preyed upon women. We have had younger men who were all sexed-up and preyed upon both men and women. Now we have vampires who are no more than teenagers preying on other teenagers. They all look pale and miserable and gray and it is just relentless and stupid. Who cares? We have at least two television shows about vampires and the only one that seems remotely interesting has Anna Paquin naked in it a lot which at least is not all bad.
We have had vampires who were little kids. We have had vampires who appeared to be one sex but were really another. Whitley Strieber, in his novel “The Hunger” had vampires that didn’t even have fangs but used like ankh-shaped knives to make their kills. We have deconstructed and reconstructed the vampire myth again and again and now, there are no more stories to tell.
So stop. Create some new monsters. Anything. Please!
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