Bryan W. Alaspa 1Another reason to get drunk and blame it on a holiday
February 19th 2010 14:36
There is one thing that most people seem to love to do and that is drink and get stupid, silly drunk while, supposedly, celebrating someone else’s culture. I mean, really, Mardis Gras isn’t entirely an American thing, but everyone runs around like they are Cajun and drinks until they puke. When St. Patrick’s Day comes, everyone pretends to be Irish and they wear green and then they drink green beer until the puke. Then, when Cinco de Mayo comes around everyone shrugs about what the holiday actually means, pretends they are Mexican, and gets drunk on Coronas until they puke.
Well, here is some good news drinkers and pukers of the world, there is another holiday where you can co-opt something from another culture and puke. Well, OK, that may be a little harsh as the holiday itself was co-opted by a particular group from ANOTHER culture and turned into, quite possibly, one of the silliest holidays around.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you St. Urho’s Day! What, you say? Who the hell is that and what does it mean? Well, give me a chance and I will tell you.
You see, I am Finnish. I am also German, French Canadian and a wee bit o’ Irish thrown in for good measure. However, my last name, Alaspa, is Finnish. The Finns are interesting people. They are known for being tough, having fought off Germans and Soviets during World Wars and then Cold Wars. However, they are notoriously shy and reserved. I have heard that Helsinki is about the cleanest big capital city you are ever likely to find outside of some cities in Canada.
Lots of Finns moved to the United States and, apparently, found the warmer climates much to their dislike. No, they wanted something more like the frozen tundra of their homeland, so many of them moved to Minnesota. I have relatives I have never even met in Minnesota. My grandmother likes to tell me what is happening with those relatives all the time and I nod and pretend I know who the hell she is talking about.
Well, some enterprising people in largely Finnish communities in Minnesota saw some Irish people (and lots of non-Irish people, I imagine) partying for St. Patrick’s Day. So, they decided to make up their own holiday. It takes place the day before St. Patrick’s Day every year and the color for the day is purple!
They even made up a story based largely on the St. Patrick’s Day story. Since St. Patrick was supposed to have driven the snakes out of Ireland, the Finns created a Saint who drove the grasshoppers out of Finland. Supposedly this saved the grape crop. Of course, this is utter bunk, but who cares when you are wearing purple, drinking purple beer and getting drunk in the frozen tundra of Minnesota.
So, those of you who look forward with the thirsty anticipation of any good alcoholic for a holiday you can use as an excuse to get drunk in public, you need to look at your calendar. Look through your drunken, bleary eyes and find when the calendar says St. Patrick’s Day is. Then, mark the day before it. You should maybe mark it in purple, if you can. You now have St. Urho’s Day marked, and maybe you can make a trip to Minnesota. Get out your purple, pretend to be Finnish by adding a few extra and unnecessary vowels to your name, and party like you know what the hell the holiday is about.
Oh yes, and then puke. Can’t break those all-important holiday traditions now, can we?
Well, here is some good news drinkers and pukers of the world, there is another holiday where you can co-opt something from another culture and puke. Well, OK, that may be a little harsh as the holiday itself was co-opted by a particular group from ANOTHER culture and turned into, quite possibly, one of the silliest holidays around.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you St. Urho’s Day! What, you say? Who the hell is that and what does it mean? Well, give me a chance and I will tell you.
You see, I am Finnish. I am also German, French Canadian and a wee bit o’ Irish thrown in for good measure. However, my last name, Alaspa, is Finnish. The Finns are interesting people. They are known for being tough, having fought off Germans and Soviets during World Wars and then Cold Wars. However, they are notoriously shy and reserved. I have heard that Helsinki is about the cleanest big capital city you are ever likely to find outside of some cities in Canada.
Lots of Finns moved to the United States and, apparently, found the warmer climates much to their dislike. No, they wanted something more like the frozen tundra of their homeland, so many of them moved to Minnesota. I have relatives I have never even met in Minnesota. My grandmother likes to tell me what is happening with those relatives all the time and I nod and pretend I know who the hell she is talking about.
Well, some enterprising people in largely Finnish communities in Minnesota saw some Irish people (and lots of non-Irish people, I imagine) partying for St. Patrick’s Day. So, they decided to make up their own holiday. It takes place the day before St. Patrick’s Day every year and the color for the day is purple!
They even made up a story based largely on the St. Patrick’s Day story. Since St. Patrick was supposed to have driven the snakes out of Ireland, the Finns created a Saint who drove the grasshoppers out of Finland. Supposedly this saved the grape crop. Of course, this is utter bunk, but who cares when you are wearing purple, drinking purple beer and getting drunk in the frozen tundra of Minnesota.
So, those of you who look forward with the thirsty anticipation of any good alcoholic for a holiday you can use as an excuse to get drunk in public, you need to look at your calendar. Look through your drunken, bleary eyes and find when the calendar says St. Patrick’s Day is. Then, mark the day before it. You should maybe mark it in purple, if you can. You now have St. Urho’s Day marked, and maybe you can make a trip to Minnesota. Get out your purple, pretend to be Finnish by adding a few extra and unnecessary vowels to your name, and party like you know what the hell the holiday is about.
Oh yes, and then puke. Can’t break those all-important holiday traditions now, can we?
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