Bryan W. Alaspa 1An open letter Part IV: to the idiot who turns his turn signal on at the last minute
October 13th 2009 13:38
I know that you think you own the entire road and that no one is riding or driving on the road with you. I know that, as far as you are concerned, only you and your destination matters. I know that it is likely of vital importance that you continue to have your cell phone conversation with someone you could just as easily talk to about nothing once you get back home. No, really, I understand that this is your world and we just live in it, so we really need to follow your rules of driving, but if you will let a humble servant, a mere insect in your far more important world, may I make a suggestion?
When you approach an intersection, particularly one with a light, turn your turn signal on well before you reach the intersection? See, that will give those of us behind you, the mere scum who annoy you and dare to deem ourselves worthy of living on the same plane of existence of so obvious a god or goddess among men, a chance to decide to get around you. When you sit through an ENTIRE FREAKING RED LIGHT and then, once the light changes green, THEN DECIDE TO TURN ON YOUR LEFT TURN SIGNAL, well, you don’t give us much time to choose.
See, when you sit there for the entire light with no signal going, the rest of us who have yet to reach your level of vast mental power are unable to read your thoughts. As such, we just assume you are going straight! I know, I know, it is a shame that those of us so far beneath your particular perch on Mount Olympus have to be such a collective pain in your hind end. I do apologize for not having the vast mental powers necessary to understand and predict every one of your driving maneuvers well ahead of time. Some of us require that you actually pay attention to what the hell you are doing and that you take a few seconds to actually decide if you are making your turn ahead of schedule and then take a few more seconds to flick on your goddamn turn signal block or two before your actual turn.
See, for the rest of us mere mortals the roads are full of people and most of them are unable to read minds as well. As such, when we suddenly try to thrust ourselves into their lane they tend to get angry or, worse, surprised and then collide with us. I know that to someone as great and powerful as you, this seems like a trivial thing. You would simply cause their cars to disappear or turn into powder or vanquish the driver to the seventh level of hell. Those of us who are not on your level cannot do these things.
We here on Planet Earth call this “common courtesy.” I know and understand that anything with the word “common” in it is so beneath you as to likely make you lose your lunch. Still, I would as that while you drive and move on this particular plane of existence you take your thumb out of your ass, put the freaking phone down, use both hands to drive, and actually use a little common courtesy so that the rest of us can share the road with you without wishing it were legal to murder idiotic, lazy, self-absorbed morons like you who do things like that.
But you do what you need to. Because, obviously, your world and your existence is far more important than mine or anyone else’s and we all do humbly apologize for being such a burden on you.
When you approach an intersection, particularly one with a light, turn your turn signal on well before you reach the intersection? See, that will give those of us behind you, the mere scum who annoy you and dare to deem ourselves worthy of living on the same plane of existence of so obvious a god or goddess among men, a chance to decide to get around you. When you sit through an ENTIRE FREAKING RED LIGHT and then, once the light changes green, THEN DECIDE TO TURN ON YOUR LEFT TURN SIGNAL, well, you don’t give us much time to choose.
See, when you sit there for the entire light with no signal going, the rest of us who have yet to reach your level of vast mental power are unable to read your thoughts. As such, we just assume you are going straight! I know, I know, it is a shame that those of us so far beneath your particular perch on Mount Olympus have to be such a collective pain in your hind end. I do apologize for not having the vast mental powers necessary to understand and predict every one of your driving maneuvers well ahead of time. Some of us require that you actually pay attention to what the hell you are doing and that you take a few seconds to actually decide if you are making your turn ahead of schedule and then take a few more seconds to flick on your goddamn turn signal block or two before your actual turn.
See, for the rest of us mere mortals the roads are full of people and most of them are unable to read minds as well. As such, when we suddenly try to thrust ourselves into their lane they tend to get angry or, worse, surprised and then collide with us. I know that to someone as great and powerful as you, this seems like a trivial thing. You would simply cause their cars to disappear or turn into powder or vanquish the driver to the seventh level of hell. Those of us who are not on your level cannot do these things.
We here on Planet Earth call this “common courtesy.” I know and understand that anything with the word “common” in it is so beneath you as to likely make you lose your lunch. Still, I would as that while you drive and move on this particular plane of existence you take your thumb out of your ass, put the freaking phone down, use both hands to drive, and actually use a little common courtesy so that the rest of us can share the road with you without wishing it were legal to murder idiotic, lazy, self-absorbed morons like you who do things like that.
But you do what you need to. Because, obviously, your world and your existence is far more important than mine or anyone else’s and we all do humbly apologize for being such a burden on you.
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