Bryan W. Alaspa 1An explosion of weirdness
November 29th 2009 20:00
Is it just me or has the weirdness meter suddenly been pegged on a very consistent basis as of late? Maybe it is just me. Maybe, on an average day, the weirdness meter is constantly being pegged. However, looking around at the news these days and, if you are like me, you just have to shake your head. If you are also like me, you are wondering if maybe it would be a good thing of 2012 was really the end of humanity. Maybe it’s time to wipe the slate clean and start over with some other animal.
First, you have this weird couple who somehow managed to sneak into a White House state dinner. Yes, they managed to sneak into a White House state dinner. They also managed to get into the receiving lines and meet the Vice President and, later on, the President and First Lady. They had no invitations. They were not on any list.
The story just gets even stranger. The woman, it turns out, is trying to get one some reality show. There are five hundred and eighty-seven billion reality shows out there now, at last count. As someone once said, recently, we have officially gotten to the point where the term “celebrity” just means “mammal.” I am pretty sure, as I type this, there is a camera pointed on me somewhere and there are people watching me, probably on VH-1 or MTV. Do they even play any music on those channels anymore? Remember when we thought 24/7 music videos was just the coolest thing ever?
What is going to happen to these people? The Secret Service is apoplectic, trying desperately to get the egg off of their collective faces. I have a hard time coming down too hard on them. They work hard and they have a difficult job, but this seems like Basics 101 to the protecting the President part of the job. Quite honestly, I would love it if these two weirdos ended up behind bars. Don’t worry, there are plenty of reality shows that go behind prison walls, so they could still end up on one of those things.
Then, just a day or so later, we get the strange story of Tiger Woods, his car, and his fire hydrant. Well, I guess the hydrant wasn’t actually his, but then again, he has enough money that he could probably buy a few if he wanted. I was getting my oil changed when I checked my Twitter account using my phone (God bless technology). There were reports of Tiger Woods being in the hospital with serious injuries due to a single vehicle accident. Uh oh, thought I. Then, within the hour it was revealed that he was out of the hospital and it was only facial lacerations. By the end of the day it was revealed he had backed out of his driveway, at 2:30 in the morning, run over a hydrant, hit a tree and somehow his wife ended up breaking a window with a golf club.
I know that Tiger Woods and his vehicular problems are not mentioned in the book of Revelation, but you kind of have to wonder about things like this. Only Tiger Woods could tell the police that he didn’t want to talk to them about what happened, as well, and then ask them to come back another day. Well, I bet Oprah can do that too, but she has yet to commit a vehicular crime against a fire hydrant.
I don’t know what’s going on out there, but I blame Black Friday and the shopping madness. It infects the brain. Anyone who would get up in the middle of the night just to shop needs to be hospitalized with a Thorazine drip for a few weeks. And that kind of infection gets into the air and, well, just look at what happens. Put down the egg nog and go take a nap!
First, you have this weird couple who somehow managed to sneak into a White House state dinner. Yes, they managed to sneak into a White House state dinner. They also managed to get into the receiving lines and meet the Vice President and, later on, the President and First Lady. They had no invitations. They were not on any list.
The story just gets even stranger. The woman, it turns out, is trying to get one some reality show. There are five hundred and eighty-seven billion reality shows out there now, at last count. As someone once said, recently, we have officially gotten to the point where the term “celebrity” just means “mammal.” I am pretty sure, as I type this, there is a camera pointed on me somewhere and there are people watching me, probably on VH-1 or MTV. Do they even play any music on those channels anymore? Remember when we thought 24/7 music videos was just the coolest thing ever?
What is going to happen to these people? The Secret Service is apoplectic, trying desperately to get the egg off of their collective faces. I have a hard time coming down too hard on them. They work hard and they have a difficult job, but this seems like Basics 101 to the protecting the President part of the job. Quite honestly, I would love it if these two weirdos ended up behind bars. Don’t worry, there are plenty of reality shows that go behind prison walls, so they could still end up on one of those things.
Then, just a day or so later, we get the strange story of Tiger Woods, his car, and his fire hydrant. Well, I guess the hydrant wasn’t actually his, but then again, he has enough money that he could probably buy a few if he wanted. I was getting my oil changed when I checked my Twitter account using my phone (God bless technology). There were reports of Tiger Woods being in the hospital with serious injuries due to a single vehicle accident. Uh oh, thought I. Then, within the hour it was revealed that he was out of the hospital and it was only facial lacerations. By the end of the day it was revealed he had backed out of his driveway, at 2:30 in the morning, run over a hydrant, hit a tree and somehow his wife ended up breaking a window with a golf club.
I know that Tiger Woods and his vehicular problems are not mentioned in the book of Revelation, but you kind of have to wonder about things like this. Only Tiger Woods could tell the police that he didn’t want to talk to them about what happened, as well, and then ask them to come back another day. Well, I bet Oprah can do that too, but she has yet to commit a vehicular crime against a fire hydrant.
I don’t know what’s going on out there, but I blame Black Friday and the shopping madness. It infects the brain. Anyone who would get up in the middle of the night just to shop needs to be hospitalized with a Thorazine drip for a few weeks. And that kind of infection gets into the air and, well, just look at what happens. Put down the egg nog and go take a nap!
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